The Superb Misadventures of Aperture Androids
by LemonsX77
Summary: GLaDOS has transfered Aperture cores into humans! Now they're trying to adapt to their new surroundings by living with Chell. What sort of misadventure will they get themselves into! Rating might change later.
1. Birds

A/N-This is something I've been wanting to do XD It's a collection of stupid stories with humanized Portal characters. Pfffft

**Birds**

GLaDOS hated birds. Hated them so. The reason? When she was a potato, from the moment they entered the old Aperture, a bird had taken her and sunken it's talons into her skin. Simulated pain had shot through her, and since her body was so small at the time, the pain was coming in great amounts. Plus, if this bird killed her, Aperture Science was doomed. Done. Nothing would be left, except for that idiot. Hmph. That was why GLaDOS hated birds.

She was developing a new kind of experiment. Humans. GLaDOS would transfer them to humans. If GLaDOS ever wanted someone back to a regular core body, with one switch of a button she could simply do a transfer. Easy. Obviously, she needed to be in control. So GLaDOS set up a room in the house Chell was living in. It was full of monitors so she could watch. Everything. Was. Perfect.

Chell was still silent, but of course, GLaDOS had taken care of that, too. Speech therapy. "I'm paying. You don't need to overwork yourself. You're a human, I'm software. Aperture still has money. Some, but not much. I can cover the price of therapy. It's all good. Maybe he can actually get you to talk, ha ha." At that time, Chell rolled her eyes. Why? She was perfectly capable of expressing emotion, but she hadn't said one word to GLaDOS since they had first met all that time ago.

ATLAS and P-body were humans, too. Two fiesty twins. P-body, the taller one, and ATLAS, the short one. Orange (P-body's simple name) was more of the schemer, trying to solve things. Blue, on the otherhand, went along with Orange's plans. Like their plan with the birds. Orange had muttered something to Chell, and Chell had just smiled and whispered "That would be funny."

So they got a bird. A macaw, actually.

GLaDOS had screamed. Orange and Blue were laughing, rolling around and cracking up. Chell had stared at them, then picked up the macaw and put it in the cage. "It's okay." Chell muttered. "The bird is gone. You can open your eyes now." GLaDOS blinked. Was she really that frightened?

"I'm fine. Really, fine. Now to punish them." _Anger at 100%. _"ORANGE! BLUE! LIVING ROOM! NOW!" They raced eachother down the stairs. "Imbeciles! Why would you do something that idiotic? I'm still in control here. Just because you've developed a human body does _not _mean you can mess around. I can still punish you. Chell? Any ideas?"

Chell looked at the two, then at GLaDOS. Then out the window. Outside there was a family swimming. "I have an idea. Let's go swimming."

_Swimming; verb. To move in water by the action of limbs, fins, etc._ GLaDOS gulped. "W-water? Are you sure?" Just the thought of it scared her.

"Yes. All of us can benefit from it. Orange and Blue especially. It will get all their energy out of them. " Orange and Blue highfived. "We need to get you guys bathing suits. Let's go." They piled into the car, excited for the adventure.

_My notes- _This was fun to write! I'm sorry about any spelling errors. This was made in word pad, and it doesn't have spell check. This was kinda short to me, and it was just winged by me, ha ha. I hope you enjoy it! I'll write the swimming chapter later.


	2. Swimming

**Swimming**

The pool was actually pretty big. Chell wanted to make sure no one else would be there, so they went early. 6:30 a.m. She didn't want _anyone _looking at GLaDOS or the two twins. Okay, maybe the twins. Their human bodies were made to resemble twelve year olds. So it could still make sense that they were just now learning how to swim. GLaDOS? She looked forty! That would be embarassing! Not even GLaDOS would be mean enough to do that.

To demonstrate, Chell put her hand in the water. "See? It doesn't harm anyone. Human kids love swimming." Chell jumped in, splashing Orange. Orange laughed.

"Can I jump in? Please?" She had a begging face on. "Please? Pretty please! GLaDOS, I promise I won't splash you! Please?" Chell shook her head. Orange was most likely to drown. GLaDOS scoffed.

"If anyone was going to jump in, it would be me!" Blue yelled. Orange slapped him. Then they got in a brawl. It was so bad GLaDOS had to tear them apart. GLaDOS was irritated. Those two were giving her wrinkles! Pleadingly, GLaDOS looked at Chell pleadingly. _Please start the lesson. _

Chell nodded. "Orange and Blue, jump in through the shallow end. GLaDOS, go ahead and jump in now. I won't let you drown." GLaDOS entered slowly, but smiled.

"It's cold." She had said.

"I know. Now, move your legs and arms around. Just try to keep yourself up. I'll be right back." She swam over to Orange and Blue, who were in the shallow water, just splashing eachother. "You two! Do what GLaDOS is doing. Move to the deep end." _Splash! _

"This is so fun!" Orange yelled. At the time, they were practicing swimming from one end to the pool. Orange was a fast learner, but didn't listen. Blue would listen to every word, but had trouble just standing, as he was short. GLaDOS learned and knew what to do, but was just scared. At 8:00, when they were done, GLaDOS was pleased.

"Chell, did you know? Caroline liked swimming. She just had a horrible moment when she was younger. At Aperture, someone pushed her into a pool and she nearly drowned. I guess that's why I'm timid." At that point, GLaDOS looked sad. Chell put her arm around her, and GLaDOS's optic turned on her. "Thanks. You know, for the swimming. I enjoyed it." Chell nodded in agreement.

At last, breakfast for everyone. They had gone out to celebrate. "Chelly, I had so much fun!" Orange yelled in her ear. "Me and Blue!-"

"You mean Blue and I." GLaDOS corrected.

"Ugh! _Blue and I _ had a splashing contest!" Blue looked at her, and they giggled. Chell laughed, too. They were trying to see who could splash GLaDOS first.

"What?" GLaDOS asked, then took a sip of coffee.

"Oh, nothing.." Blue muttered. Then, he whispered into Orange's ear. "Let's kick her underneath the table!" Orange laughed so hard she choked on her Coke.

"Whatever. Have your secrets." GLaDOS said bitterly. "Hey, Chell? What do they put in this stuff?" She pointed to her coffee, and spoke again "It's amazing." It was obvious. Coffee addict.

Chell was content. They were like a family, in a twisted sorta way. "OW! WHO KICKED ME?" Yup, a family.

**A/N- **They're short, I know. But shorter stories don't take as long to write! So that means more, but they're just short. XD Ah, swimming. I love to swim.


	3. The Revenge Scheme

**The Revenge Scheme**

Filled with boredom, the twins flopped on the couch in the apartment living room. Orange played with her hands, and Blue was thinking about how to annoy GLaDOS. "This is boring." Announced Orange. She reached for the TV remote. GLaDOS appeared in front of them, with her hands on her hips.

"Wait, not so fast. You're still punished for bringing in that _beast_." GLaDOS was referring to the macaw, which Chell was feeding. Orange groaned. "What good did that bring?" Blue straightened up. His thinking had led to a good idea.

"It's an experiment!" He yelled, to GLaDOS's surprise. "Of interaction between a human and a pet? So can we keep him?" He nudged Orange, and that triggered the begging. They'd weaken GLaDOS's resistance! Of course she'd say yes!

"Alright, fine. But you owe me, and I have an idea." GLaDOS smirked. _Uh oh. _Thought Chell, _Smirks are not a good sign. _Believe her, it wasn't.

The moron, Wheatley, would be brought back. All Aperture bots could be disassembled, then put back. That happened whenever Orange or Blue died during a test. Simple science.

"Hold on! Can I get a say in this? Please?" It was Wheatley, who had blue eyes and golden wheat colored hair, and terrible vision. "Chell! Help me!" Chell rolled her eyes. Turns out, GLaDOS was going to transfer Wheatley to the bird. Haha, bird brain.

"No." Said GLaDOS calmly, "You put me into a potato, I put you into a bird. Revenge." Wheatley wasn't the only one against the transfer. Orange was thrown into pure hysterics. She was scared something bad would happen to their bird. Seriously scared. "Blue, flick that switch." Blue chuckled and did so.

Wheatley's body tensed up, and his eyes went wide. Suddenly, GLaDOS screamed. "What is it?" Chell asked, grabbing GLaDOS's shoulders and shaking her head. "Is it Caroline?" GLaDOS could barely nod.

All of a sudden, the bird squaked, which made everyone (except Wheatley's body) jump. "Hey! Would you look at this? I'm a bloody bird!"

"Oh my GOD!" Chell collapsed on the floor, laughing so hard she couldn't catch her breath for a second. GLaDOS giggled, then chuckled, then started to laugh even harder than Chell. As for the twins, they were poking and prodding Wheatley, trying to make him talk.

"Say something!" They yelled. "C'mon! Please? Pretty please?" Blue poked him. "Please? Please? PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE? PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE?"

"Enough!" Wheatley yelled. Suddenly, a knock was heard at the door. Chell, elbowed GLaDOS, who proceeded to hide the body. Chell gave Wheatley a glare. "I won't speak.." He whispered.

Chell answered. "Um, hello." Outside, there was a woman, who looked like she was in her 50's or 60's. "Come in.." She smiled.

"I live in the apartment below. My name's Miriam. Someone told me we had new neighbors, so I made a batch of cookies!" GLaDOS looked at the woman, and smiled slightly.

"Um, I'm Gladys, and these are my, er, _chlidren, _Chell, Penelope, and Andrew..." Orange and Blue snickered. GLaDOS pointed to the macaw, and sighed. "That's Wheatley." Miriam went towards the bird.

"Can it talk?" GLaDOS nodded, and gave Wheatley an icy glare, as if she was going to say _Give yourself away and you'll be dead by tomorrow. _Wheatley squaked.

"Ello!" Miriam gushed over it.

Finally, she was gone. "I'm beat." GLaDOS fell onto the couch. Orange came to her side. Eager was her emotion.

"Hey, GLaDOS! What do I call you whenever other human kids come? I mean, no one calls their parents by first names! That's what Chell said!" Chell ran into the kitchen, trying to avoid being yelled at.

"Er, they call them..mom." _Oh god. _Orange smiled.

"Okay, _**MOM!**_" She giggled and ran off.

**A/N- **Reasons behind the names? P-body - Penelope. ATLAS - Andrew. GLaDOS (well it's obvious why she was called Gladys XD) Chell? Seems weird. But haven't you noticed the uber moms who name one of their kids a really weird name and the others get all normal names? Or is that just me? Lol. okay, that's all! Sorry for any spelling errors.


End file.
